If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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