It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
