Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
