I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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