I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
