Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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