They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
