People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
