why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
