never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
