lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
