You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
