You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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