we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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