Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
