Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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