the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
