I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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