No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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