remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
