32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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