What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
