So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
