Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
