I CAN MOONWALK!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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