He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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