So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
