I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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