Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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