Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Operation Purity has been aborted
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
