she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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