I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
