Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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