i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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