the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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