so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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