its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
