please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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