yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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