I wish I could teleport
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
