I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
