I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm having to shit out rocks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
