I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
