Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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