Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
