the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
