just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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