we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
