I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
