I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My pussy is not your playground.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
