There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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