You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
