so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
