She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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