Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just pee around me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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