This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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