Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
