apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
