Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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