as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
