I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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