His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
