He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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