So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
