All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Less talking, more tequila
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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