garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
