i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Too much gin, very little bucket
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
