I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
