I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she peed on how many people?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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