I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
