in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
