I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
