I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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