Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
