i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
