Do you still have your period?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
