that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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