Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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