GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
