Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
