hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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