forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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