Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
