You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love having hate sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
