Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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