I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
